Poem: "Too Afraid"

This is a piece of poetry that I wrote for my blog Writing Unafriad.

I believe that there is beauty in writing when it is raw and when it is real...I will no longer hide from the night...so as the sun sets and as I stare beyond the skyline...I will write until my heart is contenet...until only my hand aches and my heart is healed...

I love what writing brings me...peace. To all those victims of domestic violence, of rape, of sexual abuse...I pray for you...I pray that one day you can take back the night...that you will live unafraid and that your hearts will be healed.

Too Afraid

I was too afraid to struggle

against his strong black body.

I was too afraid to admit

that what he was doing was wrong.

All I could do was cry.

Black mascara streaks

flowing from the corner of my eyes.

Red thick blood

flowing from the inners of my thighs.

How can I admit that I was a victim?

He was sweet before then,

bought me anything I wanted,

took me to the best restaurants,

and introduced me to his friends.

So whe he invited me over

to his apartment in the Bronx,

I went freely

in the middle of the night,

looking good,

smelling good,

with my hair done right.

So what?

He probably didn't understand

how when I said no I really meant it.

He probably didn't understand

that my cringes at his touch were of fear

and not shivers of pure ecstacy.

He probably didn't understand

how my tears were ones of pain

and not of pleasure.

He probably didn't understand

how my creis for his release

were for his arms and not his

penis.

He probably didn't understand

that the blood that mixed with his semen

was not a sign of virginity

but a sign of destruction.

Somebody please help me,

come on just tell me.

How can I be a victim?

How can I be an added statistic

to the countless unreported rapes?

I can't be...

I'm too afraid to be...

too afraid to admit it to myself,

too afraid to admit that

I am scarred, and buised, and damaged,

too afriad to admit that

what he did was wrong.

He probably just didn't understand.

How to Know When to Let Go

For the past two years, I have been in the first REAL relationship of my life. When I say REAL, I mean we were crazy in love, we lived together, we met each other's families, we've talked about marriage and having kids together, we were physically and emotionally intimate.

Yes, I'll admit that our relationship has been crazy...screaming matches, fights, break-ups, and break-downs...but it has also been amazing...I've never felt so much love from another person who was not obligated to love me...despite everything I hold on to that and now I wonder if it's the reason I won't let go...when I think I'm ready to cut the ties and walk away, it hurts too much for me to stay away from him. So, how are you supposed to know when to let go?